Amy Richmond says: I’ve spent more than a few holiday seasons hoping that the next year would bring me what I really wanted. And even when I thought I had
Amy Richmond says: I’ve spent more than a few holiday seasons hoping that the next year would bring me what I really wanted. And even when I thought I had it, it wasn’t always smooth sailing.
One year, my daughter and I rang in the New Year with some good friends. After making it through some rough years, it felt especially good to be starting the coming year off right. When I went to bed that night, I felt happy.
But just a couple of hours later, I woke up with a start. I’d had a vivid and disturbing dream about a former relationship that had been very important to me. It was a relationship I hadn’t wanted to end, and even though I’d been healed of all the sadness, the dream brought those emotions right back.
But only for a split second. Because my next thought was, Oh NO. I am not going to start the New Year off like this.
Saying “No!” to error—in other words, saying no to anything that would argue that God is not in control of every aspect of our lives—made way for a direct message from God. He told me that I had never been any more or any less loved than anyone else on earth.
This was a completely new idea. Sometimes, like when something really good has happened, I have felt more loved than other people. But these words from God—and the feeling that came with them—made me think differently.
I understood that those moments when I felt really loved by God didn’t mean that God loved me more. They just meant that I was seeing the good God gives to each of us—always—more clearly. And I realized that these moments of feeling God’s goodness are probably just the very tiniest glimpse of all the good coming our way!
This message from God also reminded me that I didn’t need to feel deprived of companionship or anything else that is part of a happy life. God gives all of us everything that we need—always.
I saw that all the love I’d ever shared with anyone else was really a reflection of the love that God has for us. So I could be grateful for it, and nothing about it could hurt me. And then when I felt that really clearly, the love just spilled over. I thought about a lot of other people in my life, my daughter, the dear friends we were visiting, and I knew how much God loves each of them, and how much they love, because they reflect divine Love.
I felt this incredible sense of love. And I no longer felt left out of good. Honestly, I haven’t since. That love felt real.
What I learned from this experience is that my first and most important relationship is with God. When that’s straight, it doesn’t matter if I’m alone, or with people I love, or with strangers; I feel loved and able to love. The good news is, everyone has this relationship with God, and it’s always intact.
Amy manages web activities for TMC Youth from her home in New York, New York.
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